Like Today Never Happened Before...

What can I say about this year?

It is amazing how much can happen, how much can change, in such a short amount of time. This year I have experienced more, have learned more, than I ever dreamed I would. I remember the girl I was at this time last year, and though we’re still on good terms, I’m not that girl. I’m older, hopefully wiser, definitely more mature. I’ve gone through major upheaval, in both the emotional and intellectual realms. I’ve made important decisions on my own: good decisions, stupid decisions, decisions that have taken me down paths I didn’t know I would choose.

Of all that I’ve learned this year—and, as I said, it has been much—one of the most important practical lessons I’ve gained is this: you can’t allow the things that bother you to take ownership of your life.

Everyone has problems, each of us on our own level, and whatever our issues, they seem most important to us. And though much may be said about putting your problems in perspective and realizing how good you have it in comparison to others, ultimately we are self-centered creatures—God made us that way—and we will always be concerned about our own issues, however trivial they may be in the grand scheme of things. And the truth is, that’s natural.

But it is vital not to allow these problems to stand in the way of life. Focusing on and constantly rehashing issues will lead only to a life of negativity and despair, resulting in uselessness. No matter how bleak things feel, we must push ourselves to be productive, to strive for our ideals, to fight the fight, no matter how small our army may seem.

It isn’t easy. I sometimes fail. But I keep trying, and I will keep trying—and somehow I will find my way.

Another Post About Driving

Guess what? I’m hosting a blog party, and you’re all invited!

Since I am currently home for winter break, which makes the gathering of my friends for a spontaneous celebration considerably more difficult, I decided that the blogosphere would be a universally convenient place for us all to congregate.

What is the special occasion, you ask? “It can’t be her birthday,” you wonder, “she turned 21 just over a month ago. Perhaps it is an unbirthday party?” No no no. It is, in fact, a celebration of my braverism (ten points to anyone who gets the reference).

As follows: faithful readers will recall my freeway driving experience of a few months ago, and the elation I felt upon achieving that milestone. Those of you clamoring for an update are in luck: another milestone has been reached. Several, in fact.

Today I drove: (a) without a thorough (or even cursory) knowledge of how to get where I was going, (b) on seriously long expanses of freeway, and (c) through feet of snow and ice. No I am not joking; those of you who know me can pick your jaws up off the floor now.

Right, I deserve a party?

Admittedly, I did have Erachet in the passenger’s seat navigating and providing moral support, but since she is no driver herself, and had even less of a clue about where we were headed than I did, I still consider it quite a feat.

No matter that we skidded a little; that the steering wheel took on a mind of its own a few times; that I made a sudden swerve across three lanes; that I had to focus all my energy merely on clearing the windshield of foggyice for much of the trip; that I drove most of the way home as night fell without my headlights on—I made it, all in one piece, and so did Erachet, and so did the car—and that is what really matters, right?

Oh, and speaking of braverism, we also successfully faced a demon squirrel, and came away none the worse for wear, and with our lunches intact. Stop laughing, it was seriously scary—ask Erachet!

Now that you know why we’re having this party, come in, relax, put on some music, help yourself to some virtual ice cream, and start a deep philosophical conversation in the comment thread (what better party activity, after all?). Or write me something very creative or amusing. Or just say hello. Let me know you’ve come, in any case. It would be a shame to have a party without any guests.

Oh, and since I’m legal, let’s drink a toast: to conquering all our fears!

21

I turned 21 today. It just felt like I ought to mention that.

Ok, that was fun.

(Comments on the post below are still going, so keep talking because I'm interested!)

Driving Myself Crazy

Yesterday, I reached a very important milestone.

Those who know me are aware that there are many things I can do--but driving is not one of them. I didn't get my license until I was 19, after failing the driving test once--and I'm convinced the second tester only gave it to me out of pity. However, my father tells me I should consider myself lucky: my grandmother failed the test four times, my father failed it three...so really, to continue the pattern, I should have had to fail it twice before passing. In any case, even after I obtained the coveted piece of plastic (with a shockingly decent picture!), my independence was still incomplete. Though I mastered driving in my tranquil suburban neighborhood, I was still utterly petrified of driving on the freeway. With my mother in the passenger's seat, I would occasionally take the wheel on short drives, for practice, but even those excursions were extremely nerve-wracking. The fact that I have no (and I mean literally ZERO) sense of direction doesn't help matters. Heck, I still have trouble telling the difference between left and right (seriously).

So now I've had my license for over a year, and though I've made a few solo freeway drives (requiring about 45 seconds of freeway each), I've never gone farther than that. My lack of transportation independence has aggravated my friends for years, since it means that if they ever want to see me they have to make the half hour drive to my house, and I rarely pay a return call (my parents are anti-kid schlepping).

So last night, when I told my mom that I wanted to go to the 'hood to see my friends, and she unexpectedly said, "Ok, take the car," my reaction was less than tranquil. I knew that this day would come, and I wanted it to, but that didn't make it any less terrifying. In contemplation of the drive before me, I nearly burst into tears. I envisioned myself getting into various accidents--even if miraculously I didn't end up in the hospital, at least I would damage the car and incur my father's wrath.

I wavered back and forth. Should I do it? Though my timid side urged me to give up the crazy scheme and succumb to passivity (as I do far too often), another part of me refused. "No!" it said. "There comes a time for a girl to act...and that time is now. You need to learn not to be afraid. Grow up, dude!" So, hoping that giving this side of me some exercise would help me be strong in other areas, I steeled myself for the task, grabbed the keys, and got in the car.

And I made it. All in once piece. And so did the car! True, it took me a while to figure out how to work the windshield wipers (did I mention that it was raining?), and yes, my freeway lane change was less than ideal, but I didn't get pulled over, and no one even made any obscene hand gestures (though, of course, this isn't NYC).

At my friend's house, her parents were even more excited than I was about my newfound skill. After all, it means that she no longer has to abscond with their cars to come see me all the time. Later that night, my brother was dropped off in the 'hood after an NCSY event, so I got to experience a new dimension of driving: the teenage boy as passenger. Though my brother is no driver (he's only 15), his presence and the knowledge that I had already done it once before made the drive home far easier than the drive there--despite the fact that it was nighttime, and despite the music blasting. (When I drove by myself I turned off the music, realizing that it was only a distraction...though that didn't really help much, because I just ended up singing to myself anyway.) With my brother egging me on, I hit 70 on the way home...and loved it.

When we arrived back home triumphantly, my parents awaited to hear about the disasters that had occurred on the drive--but there were none to report! Hoorah for me!

My next challenge: learn how to read a map.

20

A brief post to mark a momentous occasion...I'm 20 years old today. I have left my teenage years behind, and now enter an era of adulthood. And I am petrified. Yes, I have been oft reminded that it is just a number and doesn't really mean anything, yet somehow it does signify a change in status and an increase in responsibility that I feel unprepared to accept. I mean, come on, I'm still just a kid!

So, in order to try to cope with this milestone succcessfully, I now open it up to anyone who reads this blog to give me any advice you have for dealing with life as an adult. I could use all the help I can get!