Which Way Is Up?

Free Choice

2010-11-22T00:10:00.005-05:00

What choice is ever free? There is no such thing. Every choice has a cost. In time, money, energy. In love lost or gained. In hope. In doubt. In the person you are and the person you could have been. What choice is ever free? Is any choice really your own? Who will you hurt, and how? Who will you help, and how? What opportunities are you relinquishing to make this choice? What choice is

Words' End

2010-10-05T00:33:00.004-04:00

Silence is eloquent. It is silence that reveals the communion of two souls—when you slip into that sudden space like children burrowing under a blanket, and the quiet moments fit in time like puzzle pieces. Silence can be a thing of discomfort, discordance, a desperate search for words—any words—to shatter the inappropriately intimate hush, stretched taut and straining like a rubber band. Then

Tisha b'Av

2010-07-20T18:23:00.003-04:00

A day on which to mourn. Much has been written, spoken about the difficulty of connecting to Tisha b'Av in the modern era. How do we make ourselves feel pain? How do we manufacture that emotion? My problem, today, is slightly different.I spend my life running from sadness. It lurks around every corner, just out of sight. I sense it there constantly, knowing it waits for me. But a productive life

Truth and Meaning

2010-03-10T12:54:00.004-05:00

What is the difference between seeking truth and seeking meaning?A life spent seeking truth entails endless frustration. There is no way to ascertain absolute truth; there is only constant searching, temporary conclusions, and redoubled effort—with, likely, minimal concrete results. But meaning can be found in many forms. Meaning can be found and peacefully lived with.Yet is meaning a compromise?

The Little Things 3

2010-03-01T19:06:00.003-05:00

A sky of mottled fiery rose and lavender-grey, seen through the delicate silhouette of bare winter branches....

It's the Little Things 2

2010-02-16T09:31:00.002-05:00

Chocolate milkIn a yellow-walled kitchenAnd through the windowSmall white dotsFlying madly by...

It's the Little Things...

2010-02-15T11:01:00.005-05:00

The tall stained glass windows lend character to the morning prayers: the white pages of my siddur are highlighted in deep yellow, and the girl in front of me has pink streaks of light in her black hair. On the other side of the partition in the long room, men rush to take off their tefillin so that mussaf can begin. Through the quiet, a sudden symphony: the click, pop, snap of black boxes

Soliloquy

2010-02-07T21:58:00.006-05:00

What are the chances that I can sit down with a blank document, the two of us, cozy in my room which is a mess—papers fluttering round my desk, clothing draped over chairs and bed, dust giggling conspiratorially in the corners, and everywhere stuff, stuff, stuff—and, knowing that I’ve been unable to produce anything of value, knowing that I feel singularly uninspired (is that a cliché?), knowing

Insomnia

2009-08-26T03:44:00.004-04:00

Insomnia before your first day (afternoon) of grad school is less than ideal. In fact, it's somewhat annoying. But I can't seem to convince my mind to shut off. What with moving into a new apartment and community, starting school, trying to figure out what to do with my days (since classes are all in the afternoon/evening), and catching up with friends after a productive summer, I'm all awhirl.

2009-08-18T19:56:00.005-04:00

...How in the world am I to know who and what to believe about myself?(And don't even think about telling me to block out the other voices and listen to my heart or to my mind. If it was that easy, don't you think I'd have figured it out on my own?)...

Water and Reflections

2009-08-12T20:43:00.007-04:00

"Let the most absent-minded of men be plunged in his deepest reveries--stand that man on his legs, set his feet a-going, and he will infallibly lead you to water, if water there be in all that region. Should you ever be athirst in the great American desert, try this experiment, if your caravan happen to be supplied with a metaphysical professor. Yes, as every one knows, meditation and water are

Language as Music, Prism, and Mirror

2009-07-08T07:47:00.002-04:00

"He drew forth a phrase from his treasure and spoke it softly to himself:—A day of dappled seaborne clouds.—The phrase and the day and the scene harmonised in a chord. Words. Was it their colours? He allowed them to glow and fade, hue after hue: sunrise gold, the russet and green of apple orchards, azure of waves, the greyfringed fleece of clouds. No, it was not their colours: it was the poise

Sunday

2009-07-05T23:11:00.003-04:00

The sweet strains of jazz lured me forward, awaft on the airy blue furrows of the soft breezeless day. With only my whims to follow, I sauntered toward the sound and lurked at the corner of the small gathered crowd. The sign perched in an open guitar case at their feet read “The Baby Soda Jazz Band,” a pile of green bills strewn messily across the black velvet. An older man in a white t-shirt

Pieces

2009-06-25T07:33:00.002-04:00

Little pieces first, flakes that flicker as they fly, tiny points of light that scatter like embers and settle, glowing a moment, then gone. But then larger portions, something given never returned, shreds of innocence fleeting. Soon enough it’s noticeable, the chunks missing here, there, you can see it in my eyes. Do they have them, guard them, treasure them? Have they been dissolved, evaporated

Waking Up

2009-06-12T16:03:00.003-04:00

This morning I was woken up by birds. Not the polite, cheerful twittering of movies and sound effects, but a loud, rude, repeated honking. The honking bird would say his bit, and another bird would answer, with a flat, trilling laugh ending in an unpleasant buzz. HO-onk, trill, buzz, HO-onk, trill, buzz—over and over again, at first background noise, then pushing itself steadily into my dreams,

Missing

2009-06-10T13:17:00.001-04:00

A girl, circa 22 yo, brown hair, brown eyes, full of dreams. Passionate, devoted, excited. Able to see potential and a world bright with magic. Overflowing with words.If found, please return.Care of: SJA boxNYC

A Life That Transcended Limits

2009-03-12T20:17:00.020-04:00

My grandfather, a”h, was niftar in Yerushalayim on Shushan Purim. He had just celebrated his 83rd birthday a few days before, on zayin Adar, a birthday he shared with Moshe Rabbeinu.Today and yesterday were not easy days—I cannot bring myself to comprehend that I will never again see his smiling face, that he will not be a part of my future. Yet, I cannot help but be grateful for the life he

Unbalanced

2009-02-28T21:34:00.004-05:00

I’m walking this road, the narrowest string of land, snaking its way along the edge of an inky ocean. On tiptoe I proceed, inching carefully forward—but after so long my toes are numb, and I don’t even notice the ache, much of the time. But then something glints in my path, and my head wobbles, and I find I’m tipping, and I see the water approaching as I start to fall. It takes an effort to right

The Valmadonna Trust Library at Sotheby's

2009-02-23T00:21:00.003-05:00

Assailed by multitudes, sheer numbers overwhelm. Books scale the walls; these books testify to our history, because we are a people committed to the written word, preserving our original thoughts, our ideas, our traditions. Most bindings are leather—deep red, faded brown, crumbling, newly restored. Each labeled with a title, a location, a year. In the first room, the shelves ascend toward the

The Gift Of Sight

2009-01-31T19:18:00.004-05:00

The Ponevizher Rav, Rabbi Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman, lost everything he had in the Holocaust. His wife, his children, his colleagues, his students—all perished. When he arrived in Israel in 1940, he stood on the hill overlooking the sparsely populated Zichron Meir neighborhood of Bnei Brak. Undaunted by the tragedies of his past, he pointed at each empty patch of land and proclaimed, “Here will be a

Questioning A Passion

2009-01-29T02:14:00.004-05:00

Is there an inherent validity to a passion, a talent?If there is something I love to do, but it is not deeply meaningful in an obvious way, do I have the right to pursue it? Is it right to devote huge amounts of time and energy to an activity simply because I enjoy it, because it excites me in a unique way, because it is a side of myself I don't often get to hone? Or is succumbing to such a

An Awful Epiphany

2009-01-11T23:45:00.005-05:00

Why do I write? What's the point? Really--what's the point? I'm actually asking.It's a passion that has begun to consume me more and more--the desire to write, to paint scenes, emotions with words. Fiction remains the hardest medium for me. Personal essays (like some of the things I write on this blog) and, more recently, somewhat decent poetry are not as painful to produce. And I'm working on

Language Imprisoned

2008-12-24T14:41:00.003-05:00

If you want to write, if you have an idea, let it build up inside you. Put nothing on paper; let it sit and simmer and reshape itself a hundred times in your head. A vague, wispy notion will be only as thin as the paper that holds it, but an idea full-grown, ripe to overripe, will fall into words with a ruddy glow, bursting with restrained energy. When you are ready to explode with the force of

On Disappointment and Destiny

2008-12-12T14:02:00.005-05:00

This shabbos, I was looking forward to going somewhere, but had to cancel my plans Friday morning due to inclement weather.A friend who was supposed to join me this weekend said to me, “I'm not sure if it’s right for me to be upset, since there is nothing else that I could have done, and apparently I wasn’t meant to go—but I was really looking forward to going.”This comment made me think. My

Where Am I?

2008-11-27T18:17:00.002-05:00

At first it seems silence reigns, but standing still and patient I soon realize I am not alone. Creaks and rustles betray this place, seductive whispers spill trickling sadness, blending and swirling into echoes of hope.I am surrounded by roads on every side, as different as they are plentiful.Directly before me, short, lush grass, screaming green with the endless promise of spring, lapped with

Call Me Margaret

2008-11-09T22:51:00.009-05:00

I went to Central Park today, looking for inspiration. I hoped that the sunshine and the people and the leaves and the sky and the city at its best would help restore to me some of my lost excitement.Waiting for the subway I scanned the crowd intently, reaching in my mind to describe each person, hoping that in words I would discover the bliss of successful connection to my surroundings. Yet

The City Drains

2008-10-27T18:32:00.003-04:00

In the car to the airport I watch the sky go by—the sky so blue and so big; where I live we’ve let it be that way, we haven’t crowded it with buildings and clamor and people. Wide and unhampered, I feel its joy. Sunlight plays off the leaves, vibrant green, deep red, smoky orange, highlights dancing as we whoosh by, trees and trees and trees. The mountains tell me they’ll wait, and the lake is

Still Life in Perpetual Motion

2008-10-20T00:26:00.012-04:00

Because I wanted to share this with you:I walk and walk and walk breathing fast and sharp. The world is one crisp cool leaf-clung wonder spangled red and amber. The wet air fills my lungs with a tangible taste and the gray-blue cloud-dappled sky swallows my fears, lending me its grandeur. How could I hide from a world as large as this? As full of promise and the green living ground that springs

Hilchos Chol Hamoed

2008-10-16T16:09:00.010-04:00

In the interest of practicality, and courtesy of the fantastic services of YUTorah.org, my notes on a shiur by R' Baruch Simon on hilchos Chol Hamoed. Hope they can be of use! (Or, if you prefer, you can listen to the shiur here.)What exactly is Chol Hamoed? What is its status? The gemara in Chagiga (yud ches amud aleph) discusses various limudim of how we know there is an issur melacha on Chol

Asking for Mechilah

2008-10-05T02:50:00.002-04:00

It’s that time of year again—the time when your closest friends awkwardly take you aside and say, “If there’s anything I’ve done this year to hurt you, or…I hope you will be mochel—” and then you cut them off and mutter, “No, no, of course…and I hope that you’ll…” and then they cut you off and then you hug.Or better yet: your inboxes fill with mass text messages and emails that read, “Have a gmar

Contradictory Emotions On Rosh Hashana

2008-09-29T14:06:00.013-04:00

Update 10-12-08: For a slightly different perspective on the same question--yet one that I think can be nicely synthesized with my approach--see here.I can take very little credit for the content of the following essay. I wrote it last year as part of the midterm of an excellent class entitled "Intellect and Emotion In Jewish Thought," taught by R' J. J. Schachter. All the sources mentioned were

Standing Still

2008-09-28T11:18:00.008-04:00

Somehow, the weeks leading up to Rosh Hashana are never enough time to prepare, never enough time to learn, to introspect, to create the right mindset for Yom Hadin. And suddenly, it is almost erev Rosh Hashana, and that fear steals over my heart, the fear that is mixed with awe, a sense of my own smallness in relation to the Infinity I will be addressing in just a few short hours.....A few days

From an Airplane

2008-09-22T23:04:00.003-04:00

The pictures cannot even begin to do it justice.What makes a thing beautiful is the unknown.A streaked, pastel, candy-floss morning sky intersects and blends into a navy-violet carpet of clouds, lit from below with the deep orange glow of sunrise.Why is this sight so breathtaking? Because it symbolizes the vast, the mysterious, that which is beyond our measure and our capacity. The grandeur of

Does God Love You?

2008-09-08T19:20:00.002-04:00

In a recent conversation on the topic of emotional connection to God, a friend raised the idea of focusing on God’s love as a means to achieving reciprocal emotion. In other words, by reminding yourself that God loves you and by focusing on all the good things He has given you as a result of His love, you can internalize the fact that He loves you and, as the theory goes, you will then eventually

Feeling Thankful?

2008-09-01T23:52:00.004-04:00

Rosh Chodesh Elul not only ushers in a period of intense introspection, but also offers two chances to say Hallel, a tefillah of thanksgiving and praise. In conjunction with these themes I’ve been thinking about the emotion of thankfulness.I know that I am as blessed as any human being could hope to be. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends. All of my material needs are consistently met

Confronting the Questions

2008-08-24T02:46:00.002-04:00

Over shabbos, a close family friend raised an interesting issue. A discussion of the parsha somehow led into speculation about some of the modern historical, scientific, and anthropological challenges to certain accounts in the Torah. For instance, let’s say you believe that it has been 5,768 years since Adam HaRishon spoke. This assumes that you adopt the more scientifically compatible

A Tisha B'Av Story

2008-08-12T16:01:00.003-04:00

My cousin M and his wife L, who normally live in Jerusalem, arrived in my city to visit my family yesterday—and told me the following story. M and L flew straight to my house from Toronto, where they stayed with L’s family for the nine days. Like the rest of klal Yisrael, they went to hear Eicha on motzai shabbos. When they came home, they got into an intense discussion with L’s father

The Wall

2008-08-03T01:44:00.007-04:00

I stood there at the kotel in Yerushalayim, the holiest site we have, and tried to pray. I searched for the words to express myself, but even more, I searched for the emotion I knew I should feel. My lips moved soundlessly as I began a one-sided dialogue with God. I told Him that this year has been hard for me, that I have learned a lot, but that I have lost a lot as well. I told Him

In The Time of Our Lives...

2008-07-18T00:33:00.004-04:00

Lately, it seems that God has been conspiring to remind me that every moment I am permitted on this earth is precious, not to be taken for granted. Yesterday, this post made me cry. This morning, an email informed me of the sudden death of a girl I shared a class with in college, and who attended my seminary only a year before I did. If those factors weren’t enough, this afternoon I was

Of Violets and Light

2008-06-23T04:39:00.008-04:00

I have just finished E.M. Forster's "A Room With a View." If you have not read it lately, I recommend that you do. It contains all that a book should: Truth, beauty, hope. Sometimes, a book affects me this way. Making my breath come fast, my cheeks flush, my heart beat, merely from the truth and beauty of it. When I read a book that is truly successful, it touches me, in a physical way—with

Seeing More Clearly

2008-06-20T22:55:00.004-04:00

This morning, as I was washing my face, one of my contacts fell out. I have contacts that are meant to be worn a month at a time, without being taken out, even to sleep. This means that I close my eyes at night with the ability to see, and I open them in the morning with the same capacity. It also means that I sometimes forget that I am extremely myopic, in the most literal sense. Without

A Solitary Summer

2008-06-03T01:43:00.017-04:00

WARNING: The following post lies somewhere on the border between philosophical and just depressing.I am home for the summer, which means three months of relative social isolation and a significantly decreased level of structured activity. To many, a three month vacation sounds like bliss. But let me tell you, it is easier said than done. At risk of incurring the annoyed frustration of those not

Like Today Never Happened Before...

2008-05-23T14:35:00.007-04:00

What can I say about this year?It is amazing how much can happen, how much can change, in such a short amount of time. This year I have experienced more, have learned more, than I ever dreamed I would. I remember the girl I was at this time last year, and though we’re still on good terms, I’m not that girl. I’m older, hopefully wiser, definitely more mature. I’ve gone through major upheaval, in

The Limits of Empathy

2008-04-16T06:03:00.003-04:00

When tragedy hits another, someone you’ve never met and never will meet, what is your response?Very few people will brush off the news without even a second thought. Even fewer (probably none) will feel the pain like someone who was directly affected. But between these two extremes, what is your reaction, and what do you believe the proper reaction should be? Is it correct to feel pain, and if so

"Which Way Is Up?" Revisited

2008-04-13T15:18:00.006-04:00

About a year and a half ago I began this blog. Before logging on to create an account, I knew I needed a name—but I drew a complete blank. I had a hard time coming up with a title that I felt would somehow epitomize me and what I intended to do with my little piece of cyberspace. Eventually, after much deliberation, I settled on “Which Way Is Up?” with the subhead “Perpetually searching for the

God's Plan and Free Will

2008-04-07T10:51:00.003-04:00

We like to say Hashem has a plan, He doesn’t give us more than we can handle, it’s in His hands and it’s all for the best. But how often are these sentiments repeated merely to make ourselves feel better? How much hashgacha does God really have over each event in our individual lives? At best, it is a major philosophical debate. Is He really choosing each occurrence, leading up to a final

Why I Cried

2008-03-07T04:32:00.002-05:00

As I sat in the back seat of my parents' rented car, departing three hours early for a wedding that was 1.5 hours' drive away (my father is ridiculously paranoid about traffic), my emotions were mixed. I was grateful to be well enough to be out of bed, happy to see my parents, glad to be going to a simcha; but also weak and drained from my illness, nervous about the week and a half of school I'd

Thank You

2008-03-05T16:34:00.004-05:00

Over the past three days I have been reminded how much I take for granted on a daily basis. I have bronchitis, but thank God, I am now on the mend. I’m still in bed, but the fact that I even have the strength to type this, that I have the mental clarity to write semi-coherently, proves that I am doing better. I have been pretty much totally bedridden since Monday morning, too weak to move, think,

After The Show

2008-02-07T01:53:00.001-05:00

It’s amazing how a performance lifts you out of real life. The past two days have been nothing but a blur of rehearsal, preparation, and brief intervals of classes that I barely even remember. There’s always a sort of wistful feeling when a performance is over—even a minor performance, like the one I just completed.Getting ready, right before the show, is incredibly nerve-wracking but

Another Post About Driving

2008-01-16T03:22:00.002-05:00

Guess what? I’m hosting a blog party, and you’re all invited! Since I am currently home for winter break, which makes the gathering of my friends for a spontaneous celebration considerably more difficult, I decided that the blogosphere would be a universally convenient place for us all to congregate. What is the special occasion, you ask? “It can’t be her birthday,”

Do We Create God In Our Image?

2007-12-13T23:00:00.002-05:00

We are the devout, the believers. We follow God’s laws to the best of our abilities, we center our lives around what we believe He desires, we address Him daily in our prayers. Yet, do you and I really worship the same deity?Orthodox Judaism dictates belief in a single God—a God whose oneness transcends any unity we can conceive of; whose omniscience is undisputed; whose incorporeality puts Him

21

2007-12-04T23:59:00.001-05:00

I turned 21 today. It just felt like I ought to mention that.Ok, that was fun.(Comments on the post below are still going, so keep talking because I'm interested!)

Which Would You Choose?

2007-11-16T11:54:00.001-05:00

Last shabbos I attended an NCSY regional convention, where, among other things, I played a game called “Would You Rather?” This game, an indecisive person’s ultimate nightmare, presents you with two scenarios (usually, both awful) and then forces you to choose which one you’d prefer.A few weeks ago, someone asked me a question which put me in a similar position. I gave my own answer, but I’d be

The Perks of Living in the City

2007-11-08T00:57:00.001-05:00

orAmazingly Awesome Things I have Done In the Past Few Weeks:I am not a New Yorker, nor do I ever plan to be one. Though this is my third year living in NYC for college, I do not plan to stay here long—certainly not long-term. Yet, as much as I may complain about the New York area and Manhattan in specific, sometimes living in the city is amazing. In the past I’ve sometimes tended to get caught

Write Away

2007-10-31T12:38:00.001-04:00

When I go through stressful times, or if I have something on my mind, often friends suggest that I write about my problems, venting onto a piece of paper (or word document, as the case may be), and I often do. The problem is that doing so only causes me to think about my troubles more. So another friend suggested that, since I want to be a writer (however futile I may feel it sometimes), I write

Driving Myself Crazy

2007-10-03T14:17:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, I reached a very important milestone.Those who know me are aware that there are many things I can do--but driving is not one of them. I didn't get my license until I was 19, after failing the driving test once--and I'm convinced the second tester only gave it to me out of pity. However, my father tells me I should consider myself lucky: my grandmother failed the test four times, my

Zman Simchaseinu

2007-09-25T18:51:00.002-04:00

Well, the weather outside is frightful, and it looks like my family and I have a good chance of being rained out of our Sukkah once again this year. Our Sukkah is up, merely waiting to be decorated, and I'm trying desperately to get all my school assignments done before the chag so that I'm not even tempted to work over chol hamoed.This past Sunday was the one year anniversary of the creation of

Trembling

2007-09-21T00:39:00.001-04:00

I wish I had something truly insightful and original to post here, but lately my thoughts, though very occupied with matters of din and rachamim and teshuva and tefilah and olam haba and olam hazeh, have been more often confused than coherent. So I will spare you the angst.One thought on Yom Kippur, that I heard from Rabbi Hanoch Teller during my year in Israel: people often complain that it is

Ah, to be 15...

2007-09-05T16:24:00.002-04:00

My brother, while walking to shul with me the weekend before I returned to NY:If I had three wishes, my first wish would be that my life was a musical and we’d just randomly burst into song all the time. Like my life would have a soundtrack. That would be so cool.My second wish would be that whatever I wanted to buy I’d reach into my pocket and always pull out exact change.[pause](in a rather

One Family

2007-08-05T04:47:00.001-04:00

I recently returned from an all-too-brief trip to the Holy Land where, among other things, I celebrated the wedding of my 20-year-old cousin to a wonderful (and very quiet) girl. The trip was amazing, and I did and saw and felt so many things. Since there’s no way to record them all, I’ll start with one event that made me think. Two shabboses ago was shabbos sheva

And The Answer Is...

2007-07-17T23:07:00.002-04:00

Lately I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon. When people give divrei Torah, they usually begin with a question. (No, that’s not the strange part.) Many will then continue, “And the answer is…” Whenever I hear this, it jars me. So I began to think: what about this simple phrase bothers me so much? On the most basic level, the phrase implies that the answer given is the only answer to the question (by

A Teacher, A Friend

2007-07-13T12:17:00.001-04:00

This post is dedicated to Dr. Lana Schwebel, A"H(For background, see this, and this extremely moving post by Erachet)I am an English major. English has always been my subject, and I have always excelled in it. I used to walk into an English class confident that I would do well, that the teacher would see my work and immediately approve. And this was always the case—until Dr. Schwebel’s class. She

I'm Back--With My First Meme!

2007-07-05T03:43:00.001-04:00

Hello again! Sorry for the hiatus. The reason why I’ve seemingly abandoned this blog is because I and three other students were sent by the CJF (Center for the Jewish Future) to Scotland for two weeks to run programs there on Shavuot and the following week. ‘But wait!’ you ask, ‘Shavuot was ages and ages ago!’ ‘Ah,’ I respond, ‘since I got back I’ve been putting off

What do PDAs, Little Red Bugs, and R’ Shlomo Zalman Auerbach Have In Common?

2007-05-16T00:39:00.001-04:00

They can all be found in Central Park at the same time.This afternoon, I fled the madness of Stern in finals season (see below, if you haven’t yet) to my favorite NY haven…Central Park. I love Central Park. I could write hundreds of posts about Central Park. There will probably be future posts about Central Park. But tonight I have a hard final that I haven’t studied for yet (again, see below)

Poetry and Procrastination

2007-05-13T01:30:00.001-04:00

My inclination for procrastination has been mentioned in this forum numerous times before. Tonight, in the midst of finals, in manifests itself in the urge to post on my semi-neglected blog. The problem, however, is that I haven’t decided on a topic about which to post. Hmm. I think I shall write a poem…Finals time comes twice each yearAnd suddenly Stern girls appearLaden with notebooks and

Yom Haatzmaut: Take a Stand

2007-04-24T12:28:00.001-04:00

For a comprehensive look at this topic see this article by Rabbi Alan Haber.As everyone knows, there are many perspectives on how to treat Yom Haatzmaut. Will you go to a chagiga with live music? Will you be reciting Hallel? Will you have a seudah? Opinions on this topic tend to be impassioned, and with good reason: we are dealing with a very important issue.I give full credence to the validity

Why I Don't Read Holocaust Books

2007-04-15T14:32:00.001-04:00

I am spoiled.I have lived a perfect life, a life entirely free from intense suffering. Sure, I have known people—young people, good people—who have suffered from terrible diseases, from impossible hardship. But these people have not been the people closest to me, so these tragedies have not touched me in the most personal way. My faith is strong—but who am I to talk, I whose faith has never been

Chag HaAviv: A Time of New Beginnings

2007-03-30T15:45:00.001-04:00

Pesach is upon us once again, and this year, I’m feeling even more joyous than usual. Everywhere I go these days, I am reminded that it’s spring: the blue skies, sunny weather, and the feeling of freshness that pervades the air. It is a time of new beginnings, a time when what seemed dead in the winter suddenly sprouts new life. Right now, I am home for the weekend, before my family jet-sets to

The Value of Playing Devil's Advocate

2007-02-25T15:03:00.001-05:00

This weekend was awesome. Having spent it with, among others, two illustrious Bloggers (and having discussed blogging-related issues far more often and at greater length than I ever have before), I felt it would be just plain wrong to neglect mention of it in this forum. As always, SerandEz were perfect hosts--the food was amazing, the company stimulating, and the baby absolutely adorable.In

IMHO, Busses Should Be Non-Smoking

2007-02-14T02:25:00.001-05:00

First of all, I just thought I ought to inform anyone still loyal enough to be checking this poor, seemingly abandoned blog that it is, in fact, not dead…the only hitch is that I have been doing so much living myself that I have necessarily sucked some of the life out of my blog. In other words, I’ve been super duper crazy busy. And you know what? I will continue to be this busy until March 20th.

London Visit Boiled Down (to the tune of "London Bridge")

2007-01-21T11:34:00.001-05:00

I've been back in school for a week now, and busy out of my mind. But it simply wouldn't be fair to ignore my trip to the other side of the pond, so for anyone who cares to see, here is a summary of my experience.People/Places/Things I saw in London (by category):Touristy:Tower of London (where lots of people were tortured and died, before which they carved some pretty depressing ancient graffiti

A Weekend in Baby Heaven

2007-01-07T21:41:00.000-05:00

This weekend, my aunt and uncle and two little girl cousins who live two states away came to visit us for the first time since my brother’s Bar Mitzvah 1.5 years ago. I had the most loveliest time playing with my 4 and a half year old and 2 year old cousins. I wish I could record all the cute things they said and did, but there were far too many to count. This afternoon, a family friend and her

Tata and Cheerio!

2007-01-04T23:27:00.001-05:00

Hello old Chaps! This fine, damp evening I am in high spirits, as I shall soon be departing to a far off location to whence I have never before hearkened! Can anyone guess where? And no, I don’t really think they speak like this there! That’s right, Poppets, I’m off to Jolly Old England! And I am quite excited about it too! (In case the overabundance of exclamation points didn’t tip you off

A Red-Hot Topic

2007-01-03T20:50:00.001-05:00

The color red has been much under discussion recently. Yediot Achronot reports that the latest in the charedi war for tznius includes not only a ban of any red garments, but a call for women to purchase clothing only from a list of 30 approved stores. In reaction, Hot Chanie defends RaggedyMom’s red hair, and RaggedyMom discusses being a redhead. Never having been one myself, I can’t weigh in on

The Sunny Side of a Rainy Day

2007-01-02T15:17:00.001-05:00

With finals finally behind me, I am home once again, and, as usual, a little bored. Today it is rainy and stormy and pouring and gray...which doesn't really help improve the state of one's spirits. But as I sat here bemoaning the uncooperative weather, I remembered something I wrote for an assignment back in ninth grade, so long ago. I went back to my files and looked it up, and since it cheered

My Tefillah

2006-12-29T16:30:00.001-05:00

Hashem, please give me strength. I know You have a plan for me; please reveal it to me in the right time--and in the meantime, help me understand that there is a reason for whatever I endure. Help me to truly believe that everything is for the good. Help me to feel Your presence in my life every day, to feel Your hand guiding me and supporting me. Help me to grow from my hardships, to pass the

Procrastinators of the World, Unite! ...Tomorrow

2006-12-22T12:31:00.001-05:00

Reading week is over, and finals have officially begun. My reading week was…well, the way mine typically are: rather unproductive. I can’t say I really did any schoolwork at all to speak of. You’re shocked? Well, you shouldn’t be. You see, I have a problem—and I’m finally ready to admit it:I am a procrastinator. [hides face in shame]Like, a really really BIG procrastinator. I am one of those

Happy Chanukah! (Hannukah? Hanuka? Channuka? Hannoocuh?)

2006-12-17T01:08:00.001-05:00

With things over here being so hectic, busy, chaotic, and all-around crazy, I still have not yet come up with my next brilliant blogging topic. But since I seem to be currently experiencing a blogging urge, I'm going to just start writing and see what comes out. I apologize in advance.I went to my friend's house in Philly this shabbos and twas a lot of fun. I got 12 hours of sleep. That was fun.

A Must Read

2006-12-05T16:58:00.000-05:00

This post over on Chana's blog is an absolute must-read. In it, she articulates (far better than I could) exactly why I am such a firm believer in "hard-core" learning (in depth learning from sources)--as opposed to what is commonly referred to as "fluff". Having actually attended a school where they take the opposite approach, she is far more qualified than I am to discuss the issue...though

20

2006-12-04T15:47:00.001-05:00

A brief post to mark a momentous occasion...I'm 20 years old today. I have left my teenage years behind, and now enter an era of adulthood. And I am petrified. Yes, I have been oft reminded that it is just a number and doesn't really mean anything, yet somehow it does signify a change in status and an increase in responsibility that I feel unprepared to accept. I mean, come on, I'm still just a

A Girl Walks Into a Bar...

2006-11-30T01:28:00.001-05:00

Yes, I know that just yesterday I promised a blogging hiatus. But I had an experience tonight that was both out of the ordinary and frustrating—an irresistible combination for a blogger. So, since I felt like writing about it anyway, I figured I might as well post it here. I hope you forgive me for yesterday’s misleading post. I guess I will now add a disclaimer to the disclaimer: I am on a break

Disclaimer in Advance

2006-11-28T23:52:00.001-05:00

I would like to apologize in advance for the blogging hiatus which I am obliged to take. Basically, my life right now is full to the brim with schoolwork and extracurriculars. Since I have barely a second to spare for breathing, eating, and sleeping, the blog is going to have to take a backseat until I have made it past this next two weeks or so.In other news, I just got back to NY on Monday

NCSY: Why it's Awesome

2006-11-21T00:52:00.001-05:00

This weekend I attended a Regional NCSY Convention. It was the third shabbaton I’ve attended with this region, and like the two shabbatonim before it, it was an amazing experience.As an advisor, I was there to hang out with the kids, and that’s what I did. I reconnected with kids I had met on the previous shabbatonim, and met new kids as well. I find NCSY incredibly inspiring because it brings

Freedom of Choice?

2006-11-08T23:24:00.001-05:00

I don’t know if everyone already saw this article, or if it’s already been thoroughly blogged about (I only read a select few blogs), so if this is repetitive, I apologize.Yesterday, the NY Times reported that "New York Plans to Make Gender Personal Choice." I found this article so preposterous that it would almost be funny—if not for the fact that it is real. Instead, I would have to describe it

Kol Sasson V'Kol Simcha

2006-10-30T21:42:00.001-05:00

This weekend I went home for a wedding. Leaving school smack in the middle of midterms: not a good idea. I missed three tests. Count ‘em—THREE. Yeeeah. However, despite the mess that I am in now that I have returned, the weekend was super duper incredible. The wedding was that of a very close family friend—a 36 year old baal teshuva whose new kallah is a 33 year old baalas teshuva. Both of them

New Yorkers: To Bash or Not to Bash?

2006-10-22T11:55:00.001-04:00

Last week, over on Ezzie's Blog there was some discussion of the issue of “New York bashing.” As a proud out-of-towner, I must admit that I am guilty of possessing some negative stereotypes about certain NY Jews and their attitude. However, I acquired these stereotypes based on real-life experience, and of course I don’t apply them across the board. The truth is that before I went to Israel for a

A Lesson in Appreciation

2006-10-18T18:44:00.001-04:00

This year, Hashem is teaching me to appreciate things I usually take for granted.At the beginning of the year I got sick and lost my voice entirely, for nearly a week. That week was incredibly agonizing—I had never thought about how important it is to have a voice. Not only was I practically isolated because I couldn’t carry on a normal conversation with anyone, but I couldn’t sing—which may not

Back to School

2006-10-16T23:41:00.001-04:00

Today I successfully traveled from my home-sweet-home all the way back to the excellent educational institution which serves as my diras arai. It is very nice to be back among my (always entertaining) roommates and esteemed colleagues, but I am rather dreading the inevitable return to homework and class and stress (compounded by upcoming midterms and the scads of extracurriculars in which I am

What is the purpose of taking the arbah minim?

2006-10-13T02:01:00.001-04:00

Over the course of this week, I, like my fellow Jews all over the world, have been dutifully shaking my palm fronds and citron each day. But as I was doing so, I felt that something was lacking. I realized that I didn’t know what to be thinking about while performing this somewhat strange commandment. I mean, when I sit in the sukkah I know exactly what I should be thinking: I should be focusing

Miscellany...

2006-10-11T02:36:00.001-04:00

A friend remarked to me today that my blog looks incredibly frum--every post so far has been about something purely God-related. So, in order to bust that impression, I am now writing a post of a different sort. Actually, that's not why I'm writing this--I would love to have a supershtark blog. But I'm in a bit of a mood, so I decided to just talk a little, and let some of my often-strange

Chol Hamoed: More Than Meets the Eye

2006-10-09T18:49:00.001-04:00

My whole life I was raised with the erroneous mentality that chol hamoed is practically like chol—the only difference being that you must eat in a sukkah (on chol hamoed Sukkos) or may not eat chametz (on chol hamoed Pesach). This year, I decided to try to rectify my mistaken impression of these “intermediary days.” I took out my trusty kitzur Mishna Berurah and read through all the halachot of

Has this happened to anyone else?

2006-10-06T19:22:00.001-04:00

Only four days after Yom Kippur, I did something that I had resolved wouldn’t happen again (in this case, I’m talking about a ben adam l’chavero). When I resolved not to do it again, I really meant it. I really wanted it never to happen. But a part of me sort of knew it would, no matter how hard I tried (like when we all resolve never to speak another word of Lashon Hara, and mean it, yet know

Teshuva

2006-10-04T14:07:00.001-04:00

For obvious reasons, this topic has been cropping up a lot lately. Though Yom Kippur is over, some random thoughts about teshuva:I had a discussion over shabbos about the hardest part of teshuva. We concluded that the hardest part is also one of the most integral components of ensuring that the chayt doesn’t occur again. When a person sins, it is usually not merely for the thrill of sinning, not

A Halachic Dilemma

2006-10-03T14:24:00.001-04:00

The time: a.m., the very morning after Yom KippurThe Players: me: the college girl home for the chagim; my mom: about to leave for the gymThe Facts: My mom asks me before she leaves to answer the phone while she is gone, because she is expecting a call from the pool guy about an appointment to fix our leaking pool. I readily agree, eager for the easy opportunity to do a mitzvah.The Dilemma:

Hello

2006-10-03T14:01:00.001-04:00

Hooray, I've finally joined the blogosphere! But I must offer a disclaimer: I am now home for the chagim, and therefore I have free time. When I am back in school, free time is virtually non-existent--this semester is my busiest ever. Therefore, I make no promises about posting consistently. When I have the time and the inclination, you may see something new. When I don't, you'll just have to